Bonnie scheming. Missing bonds. Patrick leaving. Belle and Philip hugging in the doorway of her apartment. Kate sees them. Hope busts in with her gun ("FREEZE!") on Shawn sitting on his dad's motorcycle in the garage (paranoid much?). Marlena's back in the pokey. Nicole bribes Crystal. Crystal is distracted by... Brady? Also, Crystal calls him "tasty butt." Which is weird, considering that he's facing her. Not to mention lame. Commercials.
Kate comes in and insists on cooking for Belle (and Philip). This is clearly part of Kate's scheme to suck Belle into her family and zombify her into a daughter-in-law. Actually, it's very clever, since Belle feels totally alienated and hated by everyone else, and has "lost" her own mother.
Hope's all like, "Why are you turning this into this long-drawn out thing?" Hope is v. bitter about Shawn leaving. And now she says she's going to stop him personally.
Crystal drools over Brady. Brady runs into some completely random woman he knew from somewhere--MY GOD, A THIRD LIVING BLACK PERSON ON THE SHOW! Crystal lusts for Tasty Butt. Nicole utters the immortal line, "Back off, slut! He's my grandson!"
A fight breaks out offscreen in lockup, and Trish, Only the Third Living Black Person in Salem calls for a lockdown. I don't know why, but I like her already. She seems to belong to a totally different show--some sort of cop drama. Sirens wail in the distance. Naturally, John and Brady and Nicole will all be trapped at the station, I'm sure. Commercials.
You know, I've figured out why the Friends Finale Orgy of Nationwide Grief promos piss me off--they're so anxious to make this into a cultural moment that they're too busy telling us how much we'll miss it rather than actually let us miss it. As it is, I can't wait for it be off the air.
Sirens wail. Someone shoves Marlena. "You're gonna be sorry you did that," growls Marlena, and does that Karate-Kid waving of the hands. The prison matron watches the fight with glee. Commercials--DAMMIT!
Aaaaand... the lockdown is canceled. Right. Trish goes off the see about the fight in lockup. John swears he will hang out all night if he has to, in order to see Marlena. Brady seems game to hang with him. John wants to talk about Marlena. Brady looks pissed.
Brady Garage. Hope's all like, "REGRET! YOU WILL REGRET THIS! REGREEEEEET!" She says something about how they "need to hea--to overcome our grief together." I love how it sounds like even she realized how lame the "we need to heal" line was and corrected herself. Hope wants Shawn to talk to Bo about his experiences leaving home and to sleep on it and blah. Shawn says that Belle is "history." Well, it didn't sound so much like that yesterday, but okay.
Apartment. Philip's like, "I've never seen you cook a meal, Mom." Kate's like, "Dude, I'm trying to hook you a honey, could you not call me out right now?" Kate and Philip are adamant that they don't blame Belle for what Marlena did.
Marlena's making the Judo Hands of Death. The matron and the prisoners hoot. The matron says she'll give Marlena's diamond ring to the winner. Also, someone mentions a "Commissioner Gordon." Nice. The matron's all like, "Now, fight dirty! Lots of cheap shots! I am the absolute power here!" All right, freak show. "Veronica" punches Marlena out. Another woman jumps to Veronica's side, and then... Crystal jumps to Marlena's aid "to make it a fair fight." And now Marlena is whaling on Veronica. Really, that's brilliant on Crystal's part--she can shiv Marlena or something, but everyone will testify that she tried to "help." Commercials.
Wow, they're still showing that Elizabeth Taylor White Diamonds commercial from 3000 years ago.
Los Hortons discover that Patrick has fled. Bonnie arrives, and Julie accuses both Bonnie and Patrick in one fell swoop.
Pokey. Marlena pegs Veronica. Marlena: "GIVE. ME. MY. RING." The matron reveals that John is waiting to see her, but the matron won't let him, because HER WORD IS LAW. But Marlena has her ring. Big diamond, too. I bet it'll be great for punching. Crystal says she helped Marlena because she didn't want her as an enemy, and can they be friends? Smart, smart, smart. Of course, then she'll get to like Marlena too much and not be able to kill her, but for now, it's smart. Commercials. Clearly, we have a lack of show today that they're trying to make up for.
Brady Garage. Hope pulls out an interesting question: "How would you feel if I were the serial killer?" Hope insists that Belle is in "hell on earth" right now. Well, actually, she's eating Kate's sandwiches. But then, Kate's not a good cook, so maybe that's just a lesser circle of hell.
Pokey. Nicole's trying to sneak out but John and Brady are smack in her way. Brady explains that he thinks Nicole could be guilty but that he doesn't trust the Salem PD--they're not trying hard enough to look at every side. John says that Marlena is a victim in all this. Except for the part where she killed nine people. Brady points this out--"How do you know who is and is not the victim here?" John's all like, "BECAUSE I LOVE HER, SON!" And that has what to do with anything? "What, do you love Nicole, Brady?" I'm sure Nicole is on tenterhooks to hear the answer to this. Commercials.
Jennifer's house. Bonnie and Julie shriek at each other. Bonnie begs them not to call the police. More shrieking. Bonnie reveals that Patrick said goodbye already, and that "when he hits the open road, he goes where his heart leads him!"
Cut to ol' Kerouac out there trying to thumb a ride. He wants to put space between Jennifer and himself. He pulls out his Lucky Pirate Coin and remembers saving Jennifer's baby with it. (Yeah, no one understands how that happened, either.) They're trying to make him look guilty, but I have this feeling that Abby's gonna come down the stairs and be like, "Oh, Mom, I put the bonds in a drawer!"
You know, I've always wondered--how do actors keep that precise level of two-days' stubble for weeks on end?
Pokey. Trish comes to get Marlena.
Brady's all like, shpfff, Nicole, whatever, I love Chloe. John says something about Brady being a chip off the block and Nicole being a beautiful damsel in distress. Brady: "Dude, she's my STEP-GRANDMOTHER." Heh.
Trish returns. Brady introduces her to his dad. Trish has gone in and brought Marlena to visit John. Apparently Crazy Matron's word is not law. Or something. No one addresses this. But I bet she'll be pissed.
Jennifer's house: Julie finds the bonds in Bonnie's purse. Ohhhh no.
Patrick hitches a ride with... the cops. Ohhhh no.
Hope worries about Shawn. Shawn arrives at Belle's apartment to find... Kate opening the door. Philip and Belle, last time we saw them, were hugging. Ohhhh no.
Pokey. Marlena and John are pressing hands through the plastic window. I'm waiting for some sort of Midnight Express-style flashing. Trish and Brady discuss "someone" coming to Marlena's rescue in the fight. Nicole overhears this, and somehow it sounds like Nicole realizes that Crystal was that someone. Crystal thinks to herself that her plan is working perfectly (I told you), but she needs help. I'm thinking help has come in the form of this hot officer-looking guy. Crystal's all like, "I been watchin' you shake your booty up and down that hall all day long. Well, tonight's your lucky night." I love Crystal.
John notices Marlena's fresh bruises, because he's a quick one. He needs to hold her right now. Yes. Oh, and apparently none of the lights work at the station now, so it's all v. v. dark and atmospheric. Because God knows the guards don't actually want to be able to see the prisoners. Marlena still doesn't remember confessing. She says that the Love of Roman motive is "insane." Dude, for serious. Marlena's all like, "Well, apparently I did it, so I have to pay for it." John's shocked that they let her keep her diamond ring. She shakes her head--no, they didn't let her. Blah blah symbol of their love. She gives it back to him (dude! That was your diamond knuckle!) because it'll be safer that way. "This has to do with your bruises, doesn't it!" Again: quickest guy in Salem. Marlena tells him to give the ring and her love to Belle. She says she'll probably never see Belle, or John, for that matter, again, and that she probably won't get out alive. John starts doing his "I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE YOU!" bit. It's very Last of the Mohicans.
Previews: Crystal attacks Marlena. Or at least it looks like it. Hell, she may be attacking someone else attacking Marlena. Also: My God! Friends is ending tonight? I HAD NO IDEA!