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Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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I need a seasonal icon, for real
twilight fever
I have a horrible sore throat at the moment, but you know what I also have? Readers who thank me for putting up a tip jar. You guys are amazing, seriously.

(Yeah, I know about the Information on the Email Receipts issue. There's nothing PayPal will let me do about it.)

So. I caught the Death Blarg from my mother, a mere three days after my stomach ordeal, which has been fun. On the other hand, foresthouse's first eye surgery to halt the progression of her keratoconus went wonderfully, as she found out at her post-op check-up the other day; in fact, her vision in that eye is actually better now.  She hasn't updated on that since, I don't think, but she found out afterwards that her left eye is actually getting worse faster than they anticipated, so she's probably going to have the second surgery right after Christmas, rather than in January like she thought. I have something else I'm going to try to auction off for that, but we'll get to that in January.

Meanwhile, I have a couple of things to iron out on the new Secret Life, but it should go up on Saturday with no (foreseeable) problems. I have enough Varney done that I think I can start posting a little of that, maybe tomorrow.

HOWEVER. We have more important things to talk about.

Peoples of the internet, I am here to tell you about Best for Film's Write Christmas contest, namely because I am a judge! Exciting. Basically, the idea is to write a synopsis for an imaginary Christmas movie ("Any ideas will do; from Tim Burton’s unmade fantasy Twas the Cheekbone Before Christmas to Michael Bay’s never made classic When Santa Exploded") In fact, Best For Film mocked up a couple of examples:  

Film Title: A Very Orcy Christmas 

Starring: Benedict Cumberbatch, Hilary Duff, Bill Nighy

Directed by: Peter Jackson

"Benedict Cumberbatch plays FlArGHHhgog – a teenage Orc with a grown-up issue. It’s gearing up to Christmas, and once again the symmetrically-challenged members of his town have begun their age old tradition of shouting at and then burning down all the trees in the surrounding area. If only, FlargGHHhgog thinks, there was a way in which they could continue with their fondest ritual, and yet preserve their natural habitat. However, when the murderous (and sexy) GGGHHHHHHHP (Hilary Duff) arrives in town with a murderous (and sexy) score to settle, looking after the nearby shrubbery becomes the least of Flarg’s problems…"

Film Title: The Holiday Centipede

Starring: Will Ferrell, Christopher Walken, Michael Cera

Directed by: Judd Apatow

The Holiday Centipede is a festive treat for the whole family, provided the whole family is aged 18 or over...

I'll let you read the rest of that one on your own. Point is, you can go as black-comedy as you want on this one.

Here's the cool part: yes, yes, you get £100. (One of the reasons they brought me in is because they do want international entries as well.) But you also get a poster of your Imaginary Christmas Movie as designed by people who make REAL ACTUAL MOVIE POSTERS, such as THESE:

I am so pissed that I can't enter this myself, I can't even tell you. Well, pleasantly pissed. You know what I mean. So go over to Best for Film for more info; I think submissions have to be in by December 24th. MAKE ME PROUD, GUYS.

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What a cool contest! Unfortunately, it seems like the kind of thing I rack my brains over until I come up with something mediocre, submit it on the last day because it's all I've got, and then immediately have about a hundred great ideas for.

This contest is AMAZING.
Hope you feel better soon~

This is an amazing contest, oh my god.

Is it sad that I want to see A Very Orcy Christmas now? It can't be any worse than the Yogi Bear movie!

Worse? It'd probably be better...

"Good Things Come in Orcs"

I don't think I'll ever recover from "The Holiday Centipede" description.

I've been silently reading you for a few years, and I think I've only ever commented once, but I have to echo others to say that I'm so happy you put up a tip jar! Sending some $$ your way is well worth all the hysterical fits of laughter you have sent me into over the years.

Sorry to hear you're sick; feel better soon! Sore throats suck - try tea, tea, tea, and some more tea. Also sleeping. And tea.

I enjoy your writing, especially SLOD! Contributed $ and will contribute more in the future. Keep the stories coming!

christmas icons christmas icons the grinch's heart grew three sizes that day winter wonderland

A couple seasonal icons to tide you over. I hope you feel better soon, I'm also on the verge of being sick and it's just like, I can't be sick now, I have things to do! Damn mysterious stomach flu. I am looking forward to SLoD tomorrow to make me feel better :)

I love me some tip jar...I figure for all the wonderful laughing fits you've given me, it's about frickin' time I can throw my well-earned cash into something really, really good. And, Madame, you are!

I can now never go back to living in a world where I didn't know a movie like "The Human Centipede" existed.


...I love that my dear cousin didn't tell me that was what he was doing over at BFF.

(O hai thar, sections of life crossing over!)

It is, really! Once I stop kicking him for not mentioning it earlier, I'll be all over what an awesome idea this is.

(Man, I wonder if I'll still be allowed to enter...)

neat contest!

sorry ou have the death blarg

glad the surgery works well on the eye, sorry its worsening so fast...

yes this is a bit of a fly by commenting but i so often just read and dont comment i wanted to make sure you know i was reading and thinking of you.....

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