WELCOME! TO THE 68TH ANNUAL! DRINKY OSCARS! Angelina Jolie, in the audience, is also in dark green. I hope she and CZJ have a rumble in the parking lot. Our Host, Ricky Gervais: "It's going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking." "WOOOOOO!" "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it, breakfast." Also, everything this year was three-dimensional "except the characters of The Tourist." OHHHHHHH. "I'm just jumping on the bandwagon! I haven't even seen it? Who did?" He also wants to make sure that you know is that The Tourist wasn't nominated just because the HFPA wanted Depp and Jolie here. "They also took bribes." Cut to Johnny Depp grinning. Hee. Then Gervais cracks a joke about Scientologists pretending not to be gay. You can hear the audience ("OHHHHHH") shrinking away from the bolt of legal lightning that is about to strike him. He's said something about Hugh Hefner and I didn't even hear it, but apparently it was a doozy.
Please welcome! Scarlett Johansson! Aw, her hair's not... that bad. She just looks like she rode here in a convertible. Nice beige/blush number. The Wearers of Beige rumble is going to look more like a free-for-all.
Best Supporting Actor
Christian Bale, The Fighter
Michael Douglas, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Andrew Garfield, The Social Network
Jeremy Renner, The Town
Geoffrey Rush, The King’s Speech
Big cheer for Geoffrey Rush, but Christian Bale wins. Apparently we are not, in fact, done with him professionally. "Yo! I never really knew who the HFPA was, I always left the room on those press junkets. But now I've won, and now I realize how wise and spectacular they really are!" "WOOOO!" He has totally been pre-gaming, y'all. And now that he's won, he gets to tailgate from here on out. Also, he just thanked Mark Wahlberg for being his "quiet anchor." This is probably the only time Mark Wahlberg will ever hear this compliment. He's still talking about his wife and daughter as they try to softly play him off the stage; the sound completely cuts off as he leans down to shout something about Robert De Niro while they're already trying to play LL Cool J on.
I didn't even catch who's with LL Cool J. We could ask Christian Bale's hair, maybe.
Best Actress — Drama
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Piper Perabo, Covert Affairs
Katey Sagal, Sons of Anarchy
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer
Aw, Katey Sagal wins. She looks nice in lipstick red--orange? red? MY RECEPTION BLOWS. Already they're trying to play her off the stage. Of course, since it's almost only actors who win, no crew, at the Globes, they have to play people off or the show will be more than--THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THREE HOURS?