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Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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*flop*
pallas cat - blue steel
cleolinda
Good news: getting a lot of writing done. Bad news: the last slat fell out of my bed late last night and I had to sleep, for inferior values of "sleep," on the couch. Explanation of bad news: I have an old hand-me-down queen-sized bed (it has appeared in Secret Life pictures a couple of times) that I ended up with after my mother and stepfather got married and merged their furniture. It's great and all, but it has only three, loosely-fitting wooden slats beneath the box spring; they tend to shift diagonally over time until one falls out and onto the floor. Well, me being a lazy cuss, I was like, "What? There's some boxes under the bed, it'll hold." Because wrestling with the various slabs of mattress on that bed is a two-person job, and wahhhhh I don't wanna. Well, here we are seven months later: I'm sleeping on two fallen slats, a packing box, four piles of old magazines and a precariously sunken mattress. Because I rock it classy like that. And then the other shoe--or slat, rather--dropped. Which wouldn't even have stopped me except that the bed was severely tilted towards the headboard and shuddered weirdly when I sat on it. So the couch it was.

I did not sleep very well, is what I'm saying.




Which is pretty much what the couch looked like by the time the dogs had finished piling onto me.

Meanwhile, longtime reader spectralbovine writes,

I'm raising money for 826 Valencia, which provides writing workshops for students from elementary school through high school as well as resources for teachers. They offer one-on-one tutoring for everything from fiction to college application essays. They even publish their work in books, which does wonders for their self-esteem and confidence. They also run the pirate store in the Mission, and I try to support them when I can because I believe in their mission to promote the literary arrrrrrts.

On February 17, 826 Valencia is hosting a Spelling Bee for Cheaters. I am on a fundraising team of LIBRARIANS (Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe), and the more money we raise as a team, the more we can cheat in order to beat such luminaries as Pulitzer Prize-winner Michael Chabon and the inimitable Lemony Snicket, not to mention Adam Savage from Mythbusters, John Vanderslice, and Tracy Chapman. Of course, the real reason we're raising money is to benefit the children. Every little bit, from $1 to $100, helps keep these programs free for students. It's a great organization and a fun fundraiser that I think would be relevant to your readership! I'm trying to raise $5,000, and I think I can pull it off with everyone's help. Here's my donation page. Thanks!

While you consider this, I have to go assist my mother. She's now under the bed with a hammer. "Your job," she says, "is to call for help."


ETA WTF:

@cleolinda: I just found a bottle of 1995 cabernet sauvignon under my bed. I HAVE NO IDEA.

@cleolinda: Oh. Here's a bottle of white from 1993, a binder full of research I'd torn up the house for, and an old dog chew toy.

@cleolinda: This is even better than the time I found a bottle of vodka in my DVD cabinet. Also: a five dollar bill and 60 cents in change!


@alliancesjr: Under your bed? Seriously?

@cleolinda: SERIOUSLY. I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

@alliancesjr: Step 1: Plant Bottles of Wine. Step 2: ....? Step 3: PROFIT


@justinpie:
 wouldn't you have been like 15 then?

@cleolinda: I wasn't even living in this HOUSE then!

@justinpie: oh right

@cleolinda: MAYBE IT IS GHOST WINE

@justinpie: SPIRITS

@cleolinda: ba-dum-tishhhhhh


@cleolinda: Two bottles of wine I have never seen before http://twitpic.com/40a7di

@elizabethdehoff: Oooh. OK, it's actually quite possible that both of them will be good -- maybe even exceptional!

@cleolinda: How did we even end up with wine this good in the house?

@leanwellback: seriously, that red would go for about $60. It's one thing to find cheap mystery alcohol, but quality wine is quite another.


@particle_person: Well you have to tell us how good they are! Excellent excuse to invite friends for wine tasting party!

@cleolinda: "There's wine under my bed and you're invited!"

@particle_person: EXACTLY. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. "Bring cheese."


@tokaikko: The Wine Fairy paid you a visit? I wonder what you're doing right that I'm not.

@cleolinda: You can't explain that. RT @queenanthai: @cleolinda http://twitpic.com/40acc6


@cleolinda on Twitpic



@particle_person: Any chance your sister was doing a little smuggling from the parental stash and needed a place to store the loot?

@cleolinda: I really don't think so--she drinks hard liquor, mostly.

(What? She's twenty-five now, she can do that.)

@particle_person: It really can only be the Wine Fairy then.

@cleolinda: All I can think is that maybe I was going to take it to a party? And then didn't go? But then how did I get such good wine?

@particle_person: EVERYBODY SEEN A LEPRECHAUN SAY YEAH




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I discovered mystery booze in my bedroom closet a few days ago. Sadly, it was Texas Spirit tequila, which is basically rocket fuel in a plastic jug. I've tried giving it away, but it's like a white elephant gift. My law school friends, who as a group are the biggest bunch of drunks I've ever met, won't even touch it.

At least your mystery booze is drinkable?

I hope?

Man, that sounds like Aristocrat vodka. Swear to God, that stuff was like paint thinner. Oh, college.

Texas Spirit brand hooch tends to reside on the dusty bottom shelf next to the Aristocrat and the Popov, so your comparison is very accurate.

We used to drink Aristocrat mixed in with Route 44-sized Sonic slushes back in college. It was the only way to kill the burn, plus had the added benefit of letting a person wander around campus while drinking. Hypothetically. Not that I ever participated in such activity while under the legal drinking age. Nope, not me.

Trufax, quadruple-filtering Aristocrat through a Britta pitcher renders it mostly drinkable. Ruins the filter, but hey, some sacrifices have to be made in the name of scientific inquiry.

And it's still terrible vodka, just not as much like paint thinner as it was before.

Which is why, of course, I stick to Aristocrat rum. Just as cheap, but much less horrifying to drink.

I have a friend who uses it as essentially edible paint thinner- when she paints lustre dust or other things on cakes that need a solvent first, that's what she uses.

That sounds like Monarch Tequila. When I was in college, we had a night of dinner, movies, and alcohol, and being broke college students, went with the cheap tequila for margaritas. We made the whole hallway stink, because it wasn't drinkable in a margarita. Instead, my friends took shots straight from the bottle, and I came back from the bathroom in time to see Jasper rolling around on the floor, moaning in pain. He'd snorted the tequila out his nose. He also didn't sober up til 8:30 the next night, but I don't if it was the quality of tequila that did it, or the amount of tequila.

One of those doctor shows says that soaking your feet in vodka is a cure for heinous foot odor. Maybe tequila works the same way?

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