Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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TEAM LAMPJAW
twilight lolcat
cleolinda
No, I don't have anything better to do on a Friday night than sit at home, listen to really old Bryan Adams, and fuck around on Twitter. We've already taken my mother out for her birthday dinner and come back, I don't know what else you want from me.


@Salome: @cleolinda So OF COURSE they have these personalize-your-own vampire books... http://www.bookbyyou.com/teen/default.asp




 
@cleolinda: NO I DO NOT WANT MY CREEPY VAMPIRE STALKER TO BE NAMED "Gristle McThornbody" WHERE MAY I DEMAND A REFUND

@Salome: http://incompetech.com/gallimaufry/mstnames.html  You should see the deep convos he has w/his BFF, Trunk Slamchest.


Re: personalize-your-own-vampire books:

@Maxasaurusrex: I thought that was what Twilight was.

@cleolinda: Yes, but it saves you the trouble of crossing out "Bella" and writing your own name in by hand.

@Maxasaurusrex: Oh, well that's nice of them.


@KiranPeg: Was your creepy vampire stalker a playable character on Oregan Trail before he decided to earn a restraining order from you?

@cleolinda: I don't know, but that might explain why all his oxen have died.


@cleolinda: I think Smash Lampjaw is really more my stalkervamp style. The chiseled good looks and disturbing creeper rage are right there in the name!

@merveille: Look, you simply cannot get any better than Big McLargeHuge.

@cleolinda: That's what she said?


@Salome: I'm also partial to Flint Ironstag. The full preview, btw, is the living end. You two meet when a bookcase falls on your head.

Aw, Howards End is one of my favorite books! Oh, Smash, how did you know?

@Salome: @cleolinda BRB, Mary Sue-ing the werewolf book.

@cleolinda: Oh my God, I can't believe they actually suggest actresses' names.





@Salome: "Are you completely devoid of creativity? Do you need your hand held? Mash the keyboard with your palm."

@cleolinda: OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED THE TRUE PURPOSE OF THIS THING. You pay to have your name put in, and... the male suggestions.







Because this guy's life isn't hard enough. And is Wolfboy even legal yet?

This is not even to speak of the other instructions. Only capitalize the first letter? YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!











@beyondimensions: OMG http://www.bookbyyou.com/hotblooded/default.asp It's even better than the teen ones.

@queenanthai: In Hot Blooded, Doctor Professorman and Fangy McStereotype cross paths in one steamy encounter after another...

CLOSE ENOUGH.


Note: Hot Blooded is a romance featuring two men in the leads. Looking for a vampire tale for a man and woman? Try Vampire Kisses!

I like how they're suddenly suggesting actors who are DEFINITELY OF AGE for the smutty ones. In fact, I'm pretty sure Robert Redford is all of our ages put together these days.


@beyondimensions: You realize a slash with Jacob and Edward is now possible with this book, right? I mean, for someone to have it in hard copy.

@cleolinda: Emphasis on "hard."


Don't think that Bella and Alice are left out in the cold, though.


@cleolinda: Oh my God, this is mortifying. I am totally going to fill it out now.


I honestly I have no idea what it says, because I was too embarrassed to read most of it. Not that this is stopping me from sharing it with you:











BUT THERE'S MORE:

@PBABnet: Pride and Prejudice: Custom Edition - http://www.bookbyyou.com/classic/pride/demo.asp  Somebody finally monetized the Mary Sue concept.

@redcoast: "You are dancing with the only handsome girl in the room," said Mr. Butts, looking at Miss Boobs McChesty Babooncage.

@scbecker: Wow. The same company has a time-traveling librarian werewolf Sherlock Holmes Jack the Ripper mystery. I'm speechless.


I fully encourage you to mess around with the other book generators, which include but are not limited to Fierce Moon, Pirates of Desire, and Click for Love. Obviously, you have to report back afterwards.



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I believe that is Cleveland... Cyuahoga River. We keeps it classy in Ohio.

That was like over twenty years ago though, man! It's much better now. We drycleaned it thoroughly and everything...

Boy, let your river catch on fire ONCE and they never let you forget it.

Oh, but we did let you forget the one time your river caught on fire! You know, the first time. In 1868. The LIKE NINE OTHER TIMES it caught on fire? ...Dude. Your river caught on fire nine separate times, that is kind of a memorable thing to happen. It really woke up my environmental engineering class, I can tell you that much.

I feel that would make a terrific license place slogan. "Ohio: we keeps it classy".

I think this is why they don't let me out of the straightjacket very often.

I like the way you think.

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