Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones

The most sparkleful time of the year

I feel like I should check in, this being Sparklemas. I have spent the entire month being really, severely, physically depressed--I can't remember if this time of year is always like this for me. It feels worse than usual, but then I remember how raw everything feels right around my birthday mid-December, so... it's probably just a seasonal downward spike. It's just so hard to explain, because you're not depressed "about" anything--it's like you've got the flu, influenza of the soul, and someone comes in and goes, "Where's the blood? It's not like anyone stabbed you or anything, walk it off." There's no easily recognized focal point--it's just there, draining you. Specific wounds take time to heal, yes, but you have something to focus on--change the bandages, take out the stitches; a specific event-driven depression, an emotional wound, might be a break-up or a job loss or the death of a loved one. You might not be able to do anything about it, but you have an idea of why you feel so horrible. I don't know--this emotional flu seems to have no real beginning and, you fear, no end. You can't explain it, you don't know what else to do, after the antidepressants and the vitamins and the full-spectrum lamp and everything else you've been recommended. It's just... haunting you.

However, it is also Sparklemas.

Indeed, sir. Indeed.

So, my Breaking Dawn schedule looks like this: I did not go to the midnight showing of the Squicky Installment last night because you could not have paid me enough; I may get to see it tomorrow morning; I may also get to see it Sunday afternoon, and if I get to see it both times, I'll be able to come home, write down what I remember, and then check it against the second showing. At some point, I will probably stop and put together an unrelated post of new movie trailers, because there are some good ones (OMG RUN KATNISS RUN). Then, I will curl up in the corner and rock back and forth because I haven't written a Thing of Which We Do Not Speak since the last Twilight movie more than a year ago and I have no idea how I'm going to pull this off but I don't think failure is an option here. Then, on Tuesday, I will be guesting on Made of Fail again.

At some point, I will catch up on the Harry Potter movies. Being good-but-restrained, they didn't give me a whole lot to work with. I'm counting on you, Twilight, to get me through this.

@Annaleen: Another thing about Breaking Dawn Pt. 1. There is an entire scene where the wolves talk to each other in growl language.

Maybe we'll be okay after all.

'The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn' Makes $30 Million at Midnight; On Pace to Beat 'The Dark Knight.'

Late-breaking: NO TWILIGHT SLUMP! ‘Breaking Dawn’ Surging To $70 Million Friday Including $30.2M Midnights For $135M Weekend.

@cleolinda: RT @cinemablend: Breaking Dawn Includes A Bonus Scene, So Stay Through The Credits!

@maureenjohnson: @cleolinda Like people would leave during the credits. I'm staying for a week!

@kitsunewill: We have to wait until next movie for KStew to get her Suepire powers, right?


(Oh my God. I went back and read the I Just Saw Eclipse entry and had totally forgotten that a room full of charged-up women steamed up my glasses halfway through the movie. THAT is why I don't want to see this one in a theater full of exceptionally het-up fangirls.)

Did you know that more than 700 people--more people than Occupy LA, I am told--camped out for four days just to get a spot at the red carpet for the premiere? Like, not even see the movie? Yahoo Movies got out there with popcorn and a cotton candy machine, although Kellan Lutz was not allowed to give them Krispy Kremes (you may remember last year that the Hilton Garden Inn had to bring in humanitarian aid), and there were some activities to appease the masses:

@cleolinda: I can't believe they weren't joking about this. Your Yahoo!-branded Breaking Dawn self-insert wedding picture:

@cleolinda: Someone said they were doing that and I thought it was like, a busted-up cardboard standup someone brought to the line camp. Not... THIS.

@particle_person: I'm appalled and amused all at the same time. Amalled.

@Ceilidhann: No cardboard Jacob & crib for baby photos? Missed opportunity, Yahoo.

Several days later (i.e., five minutes ago):

@cleolinda: I just realized why Edward uses Yahoo to search, like, "vampire deathbaby omg help" [in the new movie, as I am told]: it was a tie-in.

@raidswindmills: Well he couldn't use GOOGLE. It might show up on his G+ and then those Italian vampires would see it. #IDEK

@cleolinda: But he SAID "you can google it" in the first movie which I REMEMBER because it was LOLARIOUS. #JFGI

@jenyamato You knew it was coming... RT @Movieline Here's @LouisVirtel with the latest Bad Movies We Love: 'Twilight'

@louisvirtel: Every 'Twilight' poster is the most serious murder mystery dinner party ever.

@io9: The 25 Most Disturbing Twilight Products of 2011

@cleolinda: I KNOOOOOW RT @Kate_Hart: @cleolinda "of 2011" is the most disturbing part of that tweet.

@Kate_Hart: @cleolinda aughhhhh until I clicked the link die terrifying doll

@particle_person: @cleolinda Ahhhh vampire fleshlight noooooo

@cleolinda: I just do it for the lolz, really.

(My mother, who has started reading my Twitter: "What are 'lolz'?" "For the lolz means 'for the laughs,' basi--WAIT. NO. DON'T LOOK AT THAT. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE QUESTIONS. DON'T ASK THEM.")

@queenanthai: Dear @cleolinda: YOU HAVE TO

@cleolinda: Why don't we just focus on bridesmaids dresses for the ponies I already have?


@ebertchicago: Forget about the breaking dawn -- how did they break the bed? My review of the new Twilight movie.

I like how this is what he's stuck on.

@Movieline: Ask a Vampire: Merticus guest reviews 'The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1'

@TheAVClub: #Twilight #BreakingDawn reaches its full cracked-out paranormal soap opera potential

@christylemire: The new "Twilight" movie is not good.

@christylemire: @cleolinda Could Renesmee be the worst name ever?

@cleolinda: @christylemire I have long insisted that if she'd been a boy, she should have been named Edwob Charlisle.

@cleolinda: I'm trying not to RT too many reviews, but I just love the idea that this movie will be trolling a mostly unsuspecting nation this weekend.

("Oh, come on, who doesn't know what happens?" The people I am still able to troll, to this day, with rousing games of Horrify the Twilight Noob? They think they know what happens, kind of, but they don't know.)

@Salome: In class trying not to howl with delight at Manohla Dargis's description of Taylor Lautner.

God bless:

@cleolinda: The New York Times LIKES IT. I kind of love Manohla Dargis for committing to sparkle motion.

Because, you see, I kept reading so many reviews about how utterly dire this movie--one cup of plot in a ten-gallon hat--is, and I'm sitting here thinking, that means I'll have that much more time to contemplate my secondhand embarrassment squick! But... Twilight movies aren't really about cinematic quality per se. They're about the faintly wackadoo cultural zeitgeist mixed with a weird, troubling, swoony dose of hilarity piped in straight from the id. So it was kind of heartening to hear Manohla Dargis say, in essence, that if this is the sort of thing you like, you will like this sort of thing, and obviously there's something I like about discussing this sort of thing, or I wouldn't be doing it.

@cleolinda: I think Manohla Dargis just made me believe in Sparklemas again.

Sparkle bless us, every one.

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Tags: fandom, movies, my little pony, sparkle motion, sparklemas, this is going to end well, twilight, we do not speak of it
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