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SO I SAW BREAKING DAWN
twilight lolcat
cleolinda
...and it was pretty much what I expected, everything a Breaking Dawn movie had to be and could not help but be, etc. Given that 1) the book is what it is and 2) the filmmakers have always been under order to be scrupulously faithful to it, it's... it just is, okay? It is a filmed experience of the book, which says pretty much everything you need to know about it. Also, maybe I just feel such monumental pity for the kid that I didn't even think Taylor Lautner was bad. The imprinting itself was somehow as tasteful as Melissa Rosenberg could think to write it, and my audience was, as Twilight audiences in Birmingham have always somehow been, worshipfully quiet, so I didn't get the enjoyment of listening to the entire theater freak out. The closest they got was some knowing "Ohhhhh, here we go"-type laughter right as Jacob approached the baby. They didn't even have an audible reaction to the vampire caesarean.

Also, stay for an extra scene in the middle of the credits, because Aro is my spirit guide.



@cleolinda: All right. Time to chagrin my dazzle. Pray for me. #leavingthehouseomg #breakingdawn #sparklemas

@ladonnapietra: @cleolinda And yea, though you walk through the valley of the reflection of sparkles...

@particle_person: @cleolinda Best wishes! May you not see anything unseeable or hear the unhearable!

@cleolinda: Oh, I've seen leaked stuff. It's too late for that.

@particle_person: I meant the audience, actually. ;-)

@cleolinda: HAAAAAAAA

@cleolinda: Well, my purse and I got the front row, at least.


Well, my purse and I got the front row, at least. on Twitpic


@cleolinda: (I will not be live tweeting. The lights haven't even gone down yet, we've got a few minutes to kill.)

@cleolinda: Wtf? RT @alierakieron: My SiL had someone faint on top of her at last night's show. Usher said it was the second one of the night.


...


@cleolinda: Well, that happened. You guys, I think I can do this. #thatofwhichwedonotspeak #breakingdawn #sparklemas



So I'm going to be writing as fast as I can for the next couple of days, because I think I can do this, possibly, in a semi-timely fashion--I basically sat there thinking a Fifteen Minutes the whole time, although, fuck my life, I forgot to bring any paper for notes. Well, I may be seeing it again tomorrow, so. I have thought of--I won't say a "gimmick," exactly, but a unifying, running joke, like the Viking saga in Eclipse, that will probably help me through a lot of it. You don't have to have one, but it helps you approach a scene you get stuck on from a different perspective. AND GOD KNOWS I WILL NEED IT.

Jesus, my head hurts.

SPARKLE OUT.



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But did you like it? I mean, was it an enjoyable experience on some level? Or just squick from beginning to end?

I think I would enjoy it more, in the way that you enjoy Twilight movies, a lot more the second time, because I was so tense through the whole thing, wondering how embarrassing it was going to get. Like, the whole second half hour is honeymoon shenanigans, but it was drastically sanitized from the leaked footage I saw, so it wasn't as awful a shared viewing experience as I was fearing. Keep in mind, people have reported some inappropriate behavior in theaters before. I'm sitting there going, please, Jesus, don't let this be the Twihard equivalent of porn, I'm begging You. I mean, I'm sure for some fans it was, but it was stylized enough with lots of closeups and they cut back and forth and it wasn't, like, In Real Time. Thank God. Pretty much once we were past that, there was nothing I was afraid of. I knew the birth would be squicky, but... it's written that way, it's not like you don't know what's coming if you've read it and you are aware of the absolute fidelity of the movie.

I NEED a .gif of the placenta nomming scene.

It's just Edward bending down a couple of times and coming up with a bloody mouth, from her POV. Nice sound effects, though.

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Given that 1) the book is what it is and 2) the filmmakers have always been under order to be scrupulously faithful to it, it's... it just is, okay? It is a filmed experience of the book, which says pretty much everything you need to know about it.

It kind of pisses me off that of all books, TWILIGHT is the one that gets a "scrupulously faithful" adaptation. Where was this mentality when Frodo was telling Sam to go home in ROTK?

Also Cleolinda, are you aware of tumblr artist gingerhaze? (She's probably most well-known for The Broship of the Ring.) Because when you said "SPARKLE OUT" all I could think of was this:


Heh. My only prior reference is that it's something Ryan Seacrest used to do (still does?) --"Seacrest out!"

Edited at 2011-11-19 10:38 pm (UTC)

Can we just focus on the pathetic cameo Smeyer had ONCE AGAIN during the wedding scene?

Oh God! I whispered to my friend "she invited the coffee shop waitress?"

While I have no intention of watching the films (saw the final 10 minutes of this on YouTube and that was awkward enough), I've mostly been entertained by the media reaction to this all. There's definitely been less than the previous films, or at least I've seen less, and there's a noticeable divide - people are still being heavily critical but now Entertainment Weekly have essentially thrown off the shackles of the bandwagon oppression and gone crazy! They're letting out a lot of pent up hatred for the series and after years of essentially being the biggest sparkly cheerleaders in the mainstream media, it's pretty amazing to watch. There's also the flip-side like the AV Club now telling us all we should stop criticising the films/books because bashing is so 2010 or something, I don't know, it was a really terrible article. Still, I eagerly await your thoughts and all the gifs this movie's going to create.

What's really funny is that I've seen at least three or four backlash-backlash articles about how we should all just live and let live now. I feel kind of fortunate that I've staked out a place in the middle--which I hadn't intended, but I got referred to as "Twilight fan Cleolinda Jones" and asked, "So... how do you actually feel about Twilight?" enough that apparently that's how people see me.

Of course, EW is throwing off the shackles the same week they put out a big Twilight issue. I think they're trying to have it both ways for the page views.

Believe it or not, the New York Times review wasn't bad. I mean it is what it is--even Hitler hated the novel. You can't improve the source material that much, but I thought they did what they could.

Although I would've liked a LOT more snarky Leah and Adorable!Seth. And more snarky Jessica.

I did like the "change" sequence, with the venom racing through her system.

Seth was amazing. Leah should have punched Jacob in the face repeatedly. Jessica was fabulous. Also LOL HITLER.

Edited at 2011-11-19 10:54 pm (UTC)

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Yeah, pretty much. I think they did invent a legit battle for the end (there's at least a scene where Alice imagines one, I think?), and there's a lot of stuff that happens offscreen that they're going to take the time to show. I know there's at least one actual sex scene, for example. And they'll probably take up some time with all the new vampire characters training. I mean, I see why they cut it here, because the first two thirds (this movie) are a distinctly different plotline from the last third.

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I know you get linked to all sorts of Twilight shenanigans, but I thought you might find the review of Breaking Dawn from the perspective of a NHL player interesting.

"Also, maybe I just feel such monumental pity for the kid that I didn't even think Taylor Lautner was bad."

I had the same thought.

I kept hearing just how totally awful he was, and I really didn't see it. I mean, even I cracked on "I'LL PUT YOU IN THE HOSPITAL!!" in the second movie, and it just didn't seem that bad this time.

I cannot wait to read the M15M version. Everything you write makes the movies funnier to watch.

Still trying to decide which part was my favorite so far. My newly-minted 13-year-old decided the Vampire Boob Job (fixing all the bones and boom-she's up to a D cup!) was the best part. I still can't decide between the Russian Mail Order Vampire and Jacob's "I'm gonna get me some Kibbles 'n' Bits" POV scene. The TMI cam venom scene was pretty cool. Thanks for pointing out the end credits scene. We would've missed it otherwise.

Happy writing!

Holy shit is THAT what that puffed up thing was?! I thought for some reason that it was lower and the venom was like HAHA YOUR BODY'S STILL HOLDING ONTO THE BULGE FROM YOUR DEMON CHILD.

Seriously, you are a saint for this.

If I had been sitting closer to the back of the theater, I would have been more tempted to live tweet the entire thing. I wanted SO BADLY to comment on the heels Alice had Bella wearing (they looked so 80s!), the dress (OH GOD, BELLA'S WEDDING DRESS), and that nightmare she had before the wedding (that... was kind of delightfully creepy). Instead, all I did was talk about the trailers (I squealed out loud when The Avengers trailer came on, and for some reason we got the trailer for the first RDJ Sherlock Holmes movie) and listen to the audience reaction.

There were some people next to me who were laughing at various points ("There are things I haven't told you." "What, you're not a virgin?") and were "Eww"ing their way through the birth scene. I have to say, the pregnancy parts were appropriately creepy. Scary-skinny Bella? EEEEEUGH.

(There were some lovely close-ups of Kristen, though. Maan, she is pretty.)

The trailers were BADASS. I cried through The Hunger Games again. THE WOMAN IN BLACK OMG. We didn't get the Avengers, but we got the second Sherlock Holmes, and Man on a Ledge actually looks kind of good in an "I will totally throw up the whole way through this" kind of way.

For me, the main thing this one did is illustrate one of the biggest and most horrible things every novel in the entire series has a problem with, writing wise.

PACING.

With the first three, they did what they could. They threw in extra fight scenes. They cut unnecessarily long dialogue. They kept things moving as a relatively steady clip--yes, even NM, where Bella moped for the entire damn thing and it took and hour to get a werewolf into our werewolf movie. They put a fight scene where one might sensibly go--showing James killing people in TW, showing Victoria being hunted by the wolves in NM, showing the Cullens hunting Victoria and the newborn army being nasty in EC.

They couldn't do that here. They couldn't cheat hardly at all, and so I was just sitting here staring in awe at how many thirty-second shots we had of the camera just focusing on a character's face. Nobody says anything, nobody does anything.

Oh, and Kristen Stewart had the best DULL SURPRISE! I've ever seen to finding out she's preggers. I was also flailing--tender music?! REALLY? It's been two weeks, something's in her moving hard enough already to hurt, and the baby's daddy is a vampire, but we sit here and stare at her dazed face with tender music?! I THINK FREAKING OUT WOULD BE WARRANTED HERE.

But....that's canon. So I can't complain too much, I guess. And that's also why I can't be a truly objective reviewer of these movies, 'cause I just sit there and compare them to the books--and the films universally come out on top, no matter how bad they are.

And as far as I am concerned there needs to be more Leah. EVERYTHING needs more Leah. And not just because Julia Jones is hot. (But she totally is.)

More Leah would be ace. Can I say that I am so glad they left out the whole "I AM BARREN~" thing they had in the book? I kept waiting for it to happen and I was so relieved it did not.

"@cleolinda And yea, though you walk through the valley of the reflection of sparkles..."

Now I want someone to finish this.

I highly anticipate the recap of this film. My sister saw it with some friends, so I'll probably forward her the link to your recap so she'll feel better. (She said it was horrible.)

THE cleolinda is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
She maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
She leadeth me through unnatural baseball games.
She shocketh the n00bs:
She leadeth me to the Futures of Righteousness for Alice's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the reflection of sparkles,
I will fear no wolfing: For thou art with me;
Thy blog and thy BPAL, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a recap for me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil (why did thou do that?); My bloody sippy cup runneth over.

Surely Jacob and Edward shall follow her all the days of her life,
and she will dwell in the House of Glass With Crosses forever.

I didn't know about the secret scene during the credits. Now that I do, I'll probably have to either go back to the theater sometime before it leaves theatres, and not sit four rows from the screen at an angle with the speaker blaring in my ear. Or wait for it hit dvd.

I didn't really like Rosalie's hair, I prefered the ice princess look from Eclipse. Is this the first time they've had a special scene during/at the end of credits for a twilight film? The emaciated Bella was interesting, but I found myself missing the sparkles.

We left during the credits so I completely missed this. Can anyone fill me in on what happened?

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