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Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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SO I SAW BREAKING DAWN
twilight lolcat
cleolinda
...and it was pretty much what I expected, everything a Breaking Dawn movie had to be and could not help but be, etc. Read more...Collapse )

So I'm going to be writing as fast as I can for the next couple of days, because I think I can do this, possibly, in a semi-timely fashion--I basically sat there thinking a Fifteen Minutes the whole time, although, fuck my life, I forgot to bring any paper for notes. Well, I may be seeing it again tomorrow, so. I have thought of--I won't say a "gimmick," exactly, but a unifying, running joke, like the Viking saga in Eclipse, that will probably help me through a lot of it. You don't have to have one, but it helps you approach a scene you get stuck on from a different perspective. AND GOD KNOWS I WILL NEED IT.

Jesus, my head hurts.

SPARKLE OUT.



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Dude, the bar seat IS the best seat. I like that I'm not in the whiplash section down below, but I'm far enough ahead that no one's in front of me and the screen fills my field of vision. And you are properly sound-surrounded by the surround-sound! I don't know why people don't appreciate this.

I teared up when Bella said her goodbyes to Charlie. Charlie is the most unappreciated dad in fiction. Ever.
I can't believe they stuck to the “I didn't want to spend my honeymoon writhing in pain” quote. I snorted so loudly at that part I made Twilight fans glare at me and the non-twilight people laughing along with me. I thought the imprinting-forward-into-the-future part didn't look so creepy until Jacob fell on his knees then it totally got creepy and hilarious again. My audience was great, it was packed with mostly non-Twilight people. It was the biggest and best horrify the twilight noob game ever played.
I was so glad I had the official Alice Cullen choker on because those Twilight fans looked like they wanted to rumble. Also, I love Aro.

So much THISTHISTHISTHIS to Charlie.

I...legitimately enjoyed it. I was thoroughly entertained, I really was. And no one is more shocked than me. Usually Twilight films are so bad they're kind of good, this one was just good. It may have helped that I had a pretty cool audience (full on laughter when Bella mentions her baby names and then screams during uterus noms). But I found the characters, writing, stlying, CGI, and pacing infinitely better. Bella seducing Edward was awkwardly hilarious, Anna Kendrick stole all her scenes, lots of Charlie!, and a lot of things were improved. I felt like the movie really made a point of saying how fucked up it was that they were all forcing a vampire abortion on Bella, whereas in the books it seemed to be oh silly womanz like your opinion matters. And yeah, somehow managed to make the imprinting not as creepy. And they handled Leah pretty well! And I really like how they showed Bella's internal transformation into a vampire.

I feel like I'm betraying some basic part of myself, but ideally sort of loved the movie? They finally found a way to polish a turd!

I'm still waiting to say that before I can tell whether it was just because I was expecting hillarible incarnate, but agreed with on all points. I think at this point the actors know what we're expecting to see and going out of their way to make fun of it as much as we are. Most of the theater was laughing more often than not and at more than the stuff that was supposed to be funny.

I was actually rather impressed. Before anyone gasps in horror, it's more on a level of, "Oh, hey, that could have been so much worse."

Worst part was finding parking, because I went to a theater in the middle of the city which happened to have a street fair that night. Anyway, went in, found seats, and we got stuck behind some teenager with a sparkle hat. GOOD BEGINNINGS. Then theater staff came in and said they would kick out anyone caught with a cell phone out. No Twitter for me. I even sat in the back so it's not distracting! AGH

Movie wasn't as bad as I expected in the parts to be bad and the parts that were acceptable went okay. Cut out the Jacob angst filler so the pacing wasn't absurdly slow, and I managed to save up about a hundred "They're vampires! They're just like us!" lines to use for the next month. I'll take a win where I can get one.

Yeah, see--I always try to recuse myself from "But did you think it was GOOD?" Dude, I can't perceive cinematic good or bad with these movies. All I can see is, "God, that was so much better than the book. Look, they took out all the enraging parts, too!"

I am really curious to know how much weight KStew had to lose for the Emaciated Bella bits, and how much was movie magic. Because she genuinely looked dangerously skinny, beyond what makeup and angles could do.

Apparently it was all CGI, because they had to shoot out of order, and even if it had been healthy for her lose that kind of weight, they never knew how emaciated she'd have to be on any given day.

I just...my God, it was everything I want in a terrible Twilight movie. I believe the chess game montage was my favorite thing not yet mentioned. I also liked the random casting of Maggie Grace (she ruins Lost AND the Cullen clan's idyllic existence!) and Christian Camargo in the wedding party. Perked me up, and then the non-sparkling in Rio brought me right back down.


Also, my theater doesn't show previews before midnight movies. Is that super rare? I saw Eclipse in Chicago and was really surprised that the movie didn't start when the lights went out.

Well, a lot of midnights I've gone to didn't have trailers. But I went to a Saturday 1 pm, so I had tons.

That chess set cracked me up so bad.

In all seriousness, this movie messed with my head a little bit. I'm kind of freaked out by the fact that it was able to freak me out. I thought I was prepared! But there were parts of this that were genuinely hard to watch. It wasn't over the top gore, but it was...unsettling. I kind of thought I hated it, but I can't get those last few scenes out of my head and I kind of want to see it again. It took me from nausea to empathy to horror to uneasiness and I don't even KNOW.

My god, were parts of this awkward and horribly paced though. Like awkward and horribly paced in comparison to other Twilight films. Which is REALLY saying something.

My theatre laughed hardest at the "Renesmee" (Reneesme?) name revelation. I thought they played that very well.

Boy there were a lot of bits where there was no dialogue, only Significant Folky Music over a close-up of someone's face.

Also, apparently it is always full moon in Forks. I got really confused because I kept thinking some time had passed and then they showed a shot of the moon and... it was full. Again. I may be a tad obsessive about these things.

Overall, I enjoyed myself, but it was not a good movie. At all.

The moon messed with me too. I just finally chalked it up to it taking a full month for Bella to come to full term with the death sprog of doom.

>>as Twilight audiences in Birmingham have always somehow been, worshipfully quiet, so I didn't get the enjoyment of listening to the entire theater freak out.
>>

Mine laughed at all the right spots, both the funny, and the "oh shit, here it comes!" moments. It was great.

My girlfriend and I laughed through the entire thing. It's the most unintentionally hilarious movie I've been to in a long while.

The part where Jacob's trying to talk her out of the mutant baby of doom? Where he goes "I know how this ends."?
I lean over to the girlfriend and go, "I've seen this movie before! It's going to come out of your chest." And then we both cracked up and everyone around us gave us death glares of doom.

So I went with the girlfriend yesterday afternoon, and we laughed so hard. I don't know, we were definitely there as lolfans, but as she said on the way out, "It actually wasn't all that bad of a film, apart from the part where it was Twilight." Our thoughts were mainly things like, "Clearly, that is RPattz actually gigglesnorting with laughter when Bella tries to seduce him."
Our audience was awesome, though. They howled at all the funny bits, and when someone cries "Bella!" like they're in a Tennessee Williams, the crowd all yelled, "Bella!" right back.
Questions, pitched at the general audience:
a) Does anyone know how much bribery went on to get it released at 12A (here in the UK)? Because it was top end of 15 by our reckoning.
b) What the everliving hell was going on with the wolves? O and I were sitting there trying not to cry. Voiceover of epicness! Music of epicness! We think you may have gone too far with this one, Summit!
c) On a more genuine note, does anyone know how they did Renesmee? She looked really pretty as a teenager, which sort of temporarily mitigated a teeny tiny part of the creepy for a moment, but we scoured the internets afterwards and couldn't figure out who she was. (Please don't tell me it was Mackenzie Foy scaled up, because then O will feel incredibly creepy; her reaction was, "daaaaamn.")
But in general, it was a really excellent experience. We laughed, we "d'aww"ed ironically (Death Baby!), we "d'aww"ed unironically (Charlie!), and we kissed when they got married (O said, later, it was to avoid having to look at her dress any longer. Not cross with her for that. We figure anyone smart enough to sell decent knock-offs of it is going to be filthy rich, but not for about ten years). Brilliant.

"Does anyone know how much bribery went on to get it released at 12A (here in the UK)? Because it was top end of 15 by our reckoning."

I don't know if bribery would have been necessary -- perhaps the threat of their offices being besieged by furious 13 and 14 year olds was enough. "Do you even KNOW what girls that age sound like when they yell? We'll all be struck deaf!" Heaven knows that'd work on me. Heh.

Or maybe I just find that idea really, really amusing.


Hi!
Do you know that the Twilight part of m15m was translated in Russian by appreciative fans? I wonder how many languages it has been translated into :)
My favourite part of the movie was Ed telling Bella before the wedding that there's something she doesn't know about him and the whole audience was like NOW WHAT??? FUCK EDWARD WILL YOU STOP WHINING PLEEESE!!!!

Sorry my English if there're a lot of mistakes :(

Do you have a link to the Russian translation of Twilight m15m? I would love to read it.

maybe they'll actually explain why she bothered to get false identities for her kid and Jacob (which is seriously fucked up - I mean, "oh, you're in love my newborn child? Here! Have some new identities so you can run off together to explore your newfound love and adoration because hey, having THOSE kind of feelings for my baby daughter is TOTES okay!")

Well, she was trying to prepare them to go into hiding if everyone got killed and the two of them had to go into hiding in Rio--which would involve international travel, passports, etc. I mean, I understand that part, although giving them the same last name ("Wolf." Sigh) was kind of--well, I guess I understand that too, otherwise people would question why Random Dude was toting around a baby that apparently wasn't his.

We were very audible in response to the vampire caesarian. And to the wedding night.

My friend was going, "There goes the headboard" and I was sitting there screaming "FEATHERS! FEATHERS!"

During her venom regeneration, I lean over and say, "And now she gains half a cup size." And then they did it. And then we cracked up.

And yes, Aro rocks. She killed the English language, Aro, and for that she must die!

Using a Xlormp icon because I never get a chance anymore

Thank you for the head's up on the Volturi sequence in the credits, so hilarious! Also, when Jacob phased when he got the wedding invitation, I thought "He's Cleolindically fursploding!"

hi err..I actually hate twilight. :) I just wanna know, are you planning on doing a deathly hallows in 15 mins?

Yes. I'm hoping to catch up with the DVDs, maybe over Christmas.